After having surgery, I found that all of my regular bodily functions were not working as they should. After 4 days of waiting for things to normalize, I finally took a laxative. Stephen used one to help prepare for his colonoscopy, and there was one dose left in the package. I took it. This morning about 6 a.m., it worked. If I had been trying to go somewhere like church, I couldn’t have gone. It felt like I had food poisoning, except I wasn’t throwing up. In fact, I could barely check my blood sugar without having to stop and make another pit stop. I don’t have a scale here, but I would guess I lost 3 or 4 pounds. I think now, at almost 2 p.m., I’m able to go a little farther from the toilet without the risk of an accident. I’ll have breakfast -brunch – baked french toast pudding, in about an hour.
Last night I talked with one of my sons. I am so proud of him. He has accomplished much more than he ever gave himself credit for being able to do. Not that I didn’t think he could do it. I knew he could, but sometimes it does not matter what you say, as a parent your voice doesn’t count much. He’s going through some tough times right now. I think that COVID-19 has really affected him in terms of his living situation. That’s so hard because we have little control over the coronavirus, and can only try to protect ourselves as we wait for a vaccine. My conversation with him reminded me of the advice given in my favorite book of the New Testament, James.
I don’t know who really wrote this. It may have been James, the brother of Jesus. It may have been James the son of Zebedee. It may even be James the son of Alphaeus. I don’t care, really, who wrote it. I just find it useful in my life, year in and year out.
James 1: 2-8 says this about faith under pressure (The Message translation):
Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way. If you don’t know what you’re doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You’ll get his help, and won’t be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believingly, without a second thought. People who “worry their prayers” are like wind-whipped waves. Don’t think you’re going to get anything from the Master that way, adrift at sea, keeping all your options open.
This is such good advice, echoed in other great faith literature as well. When you are under pressure, your true colors come forth. You can see yourself as you are, strong points and weak. Others can see bits of you, not the whole, both positive and negative. None of us are saints and that is a blessing. I can imagine that saints are some of the least fun people to be around. Not that we shouldn’t strive to do our best, and then a little more. It’s just that part of the human condition often lends itself to trying to avoid difficulties – not challenges – but hard times and hard things.
I had a colleague who had trouble admitting her own mistakes, although she could easily see those that others made. I often thought that if she could see how ridiculous she looked when she tried to reframe her mistake to avoid saying she was wrong, her behavior might change. Ah, but let’s not point out the splinter in someone else without acknowledging the splinter in ourselves. I’ve done that too. I have tried to grow out of that behavior and to accept responsibility, without spin, for my own choices and actions. Not saying that I don’t make other mistakes – I do, and plenty of them. One of my flaws is that I am too quick to apologize for mistakes which may not have been mine in the first place. I struggle with the flaw of an overdeveloped sense of responsibility. If someone on my team makes a mistake, I feel responsible for not catching it, whether that was my responsibility or not. this comes from some advice that my mother gave me many, many years ago: you can accomplish a lot if you don’t care who gets the credit. So I have allowed people to take my ideas without giving me credit, knowing that those ideas are planted seeds that will spread farther than if I had tried to plan them myself. At the same time, I find myself wanting to be acknowledged. So again I turn to James 1:16-17:
So, my very dear friends, don’t get thrown off course. Every desirable and beneficial gift comes out of heaven. The gifts are rivers of light cascading down from the Father of Light. There is nothing deceitful in God, nothing two-faced, nothing fickle.
So what am I trying to say in these unscripted ramblings? We find ourselves in unimaginable times, difficult times, frightening times. We do the best we can to cope from day to day. We stay strong, as strong as we can, and then try to be a little bit stronger. We remind ourselves “God’s got this.” We do our part knowing that each moment is a new moment, each day a new day. We do our best, say our prayers, and live our best lives. What else can we do?