Broken families, reunited

By Lois M. Collins@Loisco  Dec 8, 2021, 10:00 pm MST

The two authors separately published books this year, offering expert advice and research while sharing their personal experiences. Joshua Coleman wrote “Rules of Estrangement” about parents and adult children. In “Brothers, Sisters, Strangers,” Fern Schumer Chapman recounts her quest to be a sister again.

Deseret: What leads to estrangement?

Fern Schumer Chapman: When I started this book, I did not realize there are many risk factors for estrangement. One is family trauma. Parental favoritism is a big one — when one child is the golden child and the other one is the scapegoat. It can be different lifestyle choices, different values, straying from what’s called the “family myth.” You see a lot of estrangement with sexual orientation or religious choice. Money is a big one.

Joshua Coleman: The common assumption is if an adult child cuts ties with the parent, that parent must have done something egregious. That’s not always the case. It’s one pathway. Others are mental illness on the part of the adult child, addiction issues. … Divorce is huge — especially “gray” divorce, later in life. New girlfriends, boyfriends, husbands, wives can create problems. Finally, a highly individualistic culture like ours can cause the child to see the parents more as individuals with their own liabilities than as part of the family unit. And sometimes children who are too close don’t know any other way to feel separate than to reject the parent.

Read this enlightening article HERE.